Things I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Mum

Becoming a Mum was such a step into the unknown! I read tons of books and signed up to loads of websites (netmums is my favourite) but when it actually happened and I had my little newborn in my arms, there were so many little things I wish I'd known beforehand.

The points below started as an email to pregnant friends but I've added some more to share and remember on here.

- Maternity pads - buy loads and loads, I bought 24 thinking that would be enough and at least doubled that, it wasn't until 4 weeks later that I stopped having to use them.

- Pack your bag for one night at the hospital, but also pack another and leave in the car with loads more nappies, sleep suits and nighties for you. I had to stay 3 days and didn't bring enough with me.

- Sleep suits (the ones with full legs, feet and long arms) Charlie is living in these at the mo (1 month old) as it's too cold for vests. We had 8 and it's not quite enough, so get loads of them. They are easy to change plus keep him warm and comfy. Anything that has to go over the head is much harder to change into at 3am!

- Nappies - even if you're using reusable ones, disposables are best for the first few weeks (my reusable ones say they are from birth upwards but are absolutely massive on him at the mo), disposables are quick and easy to use so get at least 4 or 5 packs. He's 6 months now and I still dislike the reusable ones, they are just so bulky! If I was doing this again I really wouldn't go for them, I know the disposables are bad for the environment but they are so much thinner and don't restrict him. Maybe when he starts walking we can use the reusable ones more, but when he's lying on his back, he hates having his bum up in the air!

- Bath foam support from Mothercare - a godsend, you put it in the baby bath and place baby on it, you then have 2 hands to use instead of one as baby is supported. You won't need to bathe him until the belly button cord drops off, so this can wait a couple of weeks. And now he's 6 months and in the big bath, the foam makes a nice stable seat for him to sit on.

- Chilled cabbage leaves in your bra after feeding got me through the first week, also keep your nipples out in the air for as long as pos and have plenty of baths with warm flannels on them. Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt but that first week was a nightmare for me. Also the midwife showed me a new position to use when it was too sore to continue the way I was shown in the hospital

- Paracetamol, make sure you're well stocked, I used loads in the first couple of weeks

- It's ok to put the baby down! Sometimes I would be holding Charlie for ages, playing and entertaining him and he'd get grumpier and grumpier. Really all he wanted was to play on the play mat but it took me ages to figure this out.

- Make Mummy Friends - I was the first of my friends to have a baby so had no-one to talk to about the little (and big) things. It's so easy to make friends as a Mum, nearly everyone is in the same boat and as long as you are friendly to them, it's easy to link up. I got friends through our NCT antenatal classes, the Netmums meet a mum page, nursery rhyme sessions at our library, the NCT follow up tea and through other Mummy friends. Having someone to meet up with and an activity to do every day makes the day so much more enjoyable and baby loves meeting with other babies.

- Mix with other age babies - it is great to see older babies for how your baby will develop, babies the same age to compare notes with (!) and younger babies to remember how small your little one was.

Filling in those Friday Blanks

1. The most spontaneous thing I've ever done was... ummm I'm really not spontaneous I love to plan plan plan.

2. The best gift I've ever received was... my engagement ring. Tom knew I'd want to choose so he took me to Yorkshire for a week and we visited every jewellers in York until I found my beautiful, perfect ring in a tiny independent shop up a narrow, cobbled street. We're going back there for our wedding rings.

3. A time when I was truly and genuinely surprised was... when the little line on the pregnancy test turned blue.

4. I can't leave the house without... the fully packed nappy bag - wet wipes, nappies, clean clothes, muslins, toys, change mat, disposable bags, rice cakes, bib and for me? Wallet, Oyster card, umbrella, keys.

5. My favourite day of the week is ... Saturday ... because Daddy bear can help with Baby bear and we'll go out somewhere fun and see friends and relations. Plus I get time to have a bath.

6. Something that can always make me laugh is... my little guy's smile, even when it's 3am and we need a nappy change.

7. My perfect day would include... lots of friends and family around to entertain the little one. A lie in, a bath, cuddle time, a good meal, a car drive with Tom.

Thanks Lauren at The Little Things We Do.

PS Baby bear can now calmly eat rice cakes on the train!

Our Birth Story

I've read a lot of these on other blogs, I've talked to other Mums and heard theirs and although at the time I felt otherwise, I was incredibly lucky to have a quick, straightforward birth. So here's our story.

A month before Charlie was born we went to a intensive NCT antenatal class. Here we learnt that first times Mums had on average 12 - 18 hours of labour. We were told when the first contractions happened we should relax, have a meal, a glass of wine, a bath and do housework until they were strong enough to contact the hospital. We were having our baby at Chelsea and Westminster hospital, even though Lewisham was closer now that we'd moved house, I had had all my scans and checks at C&W and they said it was fine to stay with them for the birth. This meant the hospital was six miles away instead of one, which doesn't sound like a lot but driving through busy London traffic was a worry. However we had 12 hours at least so we'd just go a little early and wait out the contractions in the car.

On my due date I was ready to pop and so excited that the baby would be on his way, but it passed with no sign of labour. We'd had a 'show' a couple of weeks before so had had a trial hospital drive in the evening and it only took us 45 mins. So the due date came and went and I started doing all the old wives tales to tempt the baby out, curry, pineapple, sex, walks, but nothing seemed to work. In that bizarre week I felt tied to the house, I didn't want to go too far in case something happened, Tom took me to vote in the general election, we waddled the few hundred yards there and back, and I had short 20 min walks in Crystal Palace Park, right outside our new flat. Mostly though I stayed inside, sitting in the nursery, washing and folding baby clothes and reading my book.

Charlie finally decided to make an entrance a week after my due date, two days before I was booked for an induction. That Friday night I went to bed around 9pm and was asleep by 10pm at the latest. Tom came to bed later but didn't wake me. I woke at 3.30am with what felt like contractions, they were more intense then the Braxton Hicks I'd been experiencing in the prior weeks and I immediately knew that this was it, I was finally in labour. I told Tom that I was having contractions but to go back to sleep. I got up, went to the loo and turned on the laptop to check the online signs of labour page on NetMums and also to have a look at Facebook. The contractions were quite sporadic, some were 10 mins apart, others were a lot closer, so I called the hospital. They said to take a couple of paracetamol, have a bath and call again when the contractions were 'knee breakingly painful'. I thought about having a bath but was so uncomfy that I opted for a shower. I wanted to be clean but sitting in a bath didn't feel right. Halfway through Tom knocked on the door to ask if I was alright, he could hear me crying out - my quiet whimpers were louder then I thought! I finished up, pulled on the maternity combats and top I'd been wearing the day before and got Tom to attach the TENS machine. I thought I was being a bit of a wuss, but only an hour and a half after they had started the contractions felt knee breaking to me, so I called the hospital again. They were unconvinced that I would be dilated enough but said to come in. We got in the car and drove to the hospital. The roads were almost empty and we made in it 35 mins. At 5.30am we parked up and waddled to the labour ward. I was convinced they would check me and send us home again, so was the midwife. She took us to a room and said she'd just check to see how far along I was. She checked and gave me a funny look, I was fully dilated and had to start pushing. There was no time to change into my prepared birthing top, no time to think about visualisation or music or any of the things we'd been taught at NCT, but most importantly no time for any type of pain relief! I had planned to have an epidural or at the very least gas and air but it was too late.

The next couple of hours I don't really remember that well, there was a lot of pain, a lot of pushing, a lot of encouragement from the midwife. I had thought I'd have Tom holding my hand, massaging etc. but when it came down to it I didn't want him anywhere near me! I could only concentrate on delivering the baby and poor Tom just got to sit in the corner, bounce a birthing ball and listen to my screams. Towards the end I was allowed gas and air which took the edge off a little and at 7.21am, just 1 hour 51 mins since I arrived at the hospital and 3 hours 51 mins since labour first began, Charles Henry Ruck was born. I was still pushing when the midwife put him on my stomach, and that moment, that split second of there being no baby and then suddenly being there was magical, something I will never forget. He cried a little to let us know he was here and fine and then started feeding whilst I delivered the afterbirth. Tom had a cuddle whilst I was checked over. They decided I needed to go into surgery to stitch up a tear, it was only 1st degree but very long and even though the midwife had used local anesthetic, I could feel everything. So I got my epidural in the end, I had a mini spinal tap which numbed me from the waist down. Charlie came with me as I was wheeled into the surgery and Tom phoned the new Grandparents and Uncles and Aunts. Afterwards we went to a recovery ward and had a beautiful few hours with just us and Charlie. He had cuddles with both of us, had a sleep and another feed. A nurse came and showed us how to put on the nappy and we got him dressed in his first outfit, a little short sleeved vest and hat.

Once I could use my legs again we walked to the maternity ward. I am strep B positive and the birth had happened so quickly that they couldn't give me antibiotics, so instead we had to stay in for 3 days so Charlie could have a course of antibiotics just in case. Tom stayed with us until night time and then it was just baby and me. Those first days at the hospital were so strange. I wanted to be at home with my newborn, but actually I learnt so much from the nurses that it was probably the best place to be. We had visits from Tom's parents and brother and our best friends from uni
and then 3 days later got to take Charlie home. Nerve wracking, painful but overall so special, I will never forget how our little man joined our family.

First...

This has been a week of firsts! On the 8th November Charlie turned 6 months - 6 whole months, wow it only feels like yesterday that we were in the hospital whilst it also feels like I've had this little guy forever. But back to the firsts, we have had first rice cake - yummy but went everywhere - first meat - pureed chicken casserole - and I've instated a military style routine to get him napping in his cot rather then on me in the daytime. We'll get him weighed next week, but a couple of weeks ago he was a v healthy 17.7lbs.

Fill in the Blanks Friday

Today I thought I would join in with a little game from one of the blogs I've recently discovered. Lauren at 'The Little Things We Do' Fill in the Blank Friday. This week it's all about hair - yay.

1. My last haircut was in August whilst on holiday in Dorset. We left baby bear with the grandparents and drove into Seaton, a little seaside town. The hairdressers was called 'Knights and Maidens' and looked like it hadn't changed since the 70s.

2. My most daring hair moment was when I was 23 and dyed it bright red. It was long and blonde, the dye was wash in wash out but it didn't, I had pale pink hair for months.

3. A hairstyle I'd never be brave enough to try is super short, you need a thin face shape for that look.

4. I've always dreamt of being a red head - I would love an auburn/strawberry blonde look.

5. My go-to hair do is just washed, brushed and left to dry. It often looks a little crazy but most days with baby bear around I'm lucky if I get a shower, use of the hairdryer is a novelty.

6. My biggest hair disaster was having a fringe put in when I was 15. I still look at the photos and cringe.

7. A hairstyle I am dying to try is going back to being long again. I had it cut short when I was pregnant and it's been a pain ever since.

8. My best hair day was New Year's Eve 2009, I had a great cut and curled it for the night.

9. The worst hairstyle I ever had was a very uneven bob.

10. My hair is darker then it used to be, blonde and straight and slowly growing out.

In other news Charlie is still practising sitting up and has mostly been eating peas and carrots today.

Sitting

This week Charlie has mastered the art of sitting! He can do it without a cushiony support but gets excited after a while and falls on his face. Little friend Arthur came to play on Monday and C must have seen him sitting so big and tall that he decided it was time to do it.

In other news we've used Skype for the first time, to talk to Uncle Simon on holiday in India and to Grandad on a TD Day and then briefly to Granny the next morning so she didn't feel left out.