Saturday, 12 April 2014

A baby sister

We are expecting again! I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with a little sister for Charlie. Baby girl is growing well, we had some scares at the start, followed by a lot of sickness, but now all is good. At our 20 week scan everything was perfect and the little kicks I feel inside me are a daily reminder that this time around we are doing well. Because of our last loss I won't lose my unease until this little girl is safely in my arms, but am content as possible that all is ok.

20 week scan

Charlie is very excited about being a big brother, he has lots of questions, lots of name ideas (Rapunzel, Daisy and Slug are his favourites) and kisses and strokes my tummy in a gentle way.


I started a diary piece before we had the scares and then the daily throwing up set in so it ends pretty abruptly, but here's a record of that first week after finding out.

8th December 2013, today at 13dpo I took a pregnancy test and got the faintest 2nd line. I looked back an hour later and it was still there! Tomorrow I will use a proper test instead of an internet cheapie but in my heart I know that finally I am pregnant again.

I am tentatively excited, I want this baby so so much but I'm not sure I can face the pain of losing another. I'm only 3 weeks and right now the full 40 weeks look daunting. However the weight on my mind that I've been carrying since March is easing, it feels completely right to be pregnant and this time every cell in my body is willing this little one to survive, to be a fighter and in 37 weeks time to be held on my arms.

9th Dec. Again a faint line on the internet cheapie but took a boots own brand test and that had a stronger positive. Hooray hooray hooray!

12th Dec. Pregnancy has become real again. It felt amazingly good to start taking the half pack of pregnacare folic acid that I'd squirreled away in March. All the symptoms, the heavy boobs, intense sense of smell and slight nausea are incredibly welcome and a constant reminder that things are as they should be.

The rainbow baby is such a good analogy. For the first time the dark, depressing storm clouds of miscarriage have parted slightly to this rainbow of hope. The rain is still there and always will be, but the glimmer of sunshine needed to create a rainbow is happy and bright and the lashing rain has turned to a drizzle.

Last night as I lay in bed listening to big brother's even breathing through the monitor with Daddy's hand resting above the baby on my belly I was so happy. Everything was the way it should be once more. Peace at last. 

13th Dec. Today I have gone off coffee completely. From having 4 cups of decaff a day, now the very thought of it makes me nauseous. In Pret at 7.20am this morning I shocked Jorges my usual server by asking for hot chocolate instead of my regular skinny decaff latte.

Oh my goodness nausea also settled in fully today. I felt queasy and seasick at my desk this morning and drank cup after cup of peppermint tea to try and relieve the churning in my stomach.

And soo tired. This week has not been good for sleep, I had three 5am starts (to get to work for 7.30am) and on the other two days I stayed late, once to catch up time missed last week to see C's nativity and the other for book group. So sleep is something I long to catch up on.

16th Dec. Less nauseous today. Phoned to book a doctor's appointment but none left until Christmas week. Will try and book a same day appointment on Weds.

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations! Rainbow baby pregnancies are so stressful, but before you know it she will be here!


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