Toddler days out - Emmetts Garden

 Day out number two with our National Trust membership and a toddler.

 

The sun came out today so we packed a picnic and looked for a NT place within easy driving distance of South London. As we're mid potty training we didn't want a stately home so somewhere with lots of outside space sounded perfect, we decided on Emmetts Garden in Kent. This is the Edwardian garden of a stately home, but only the garden part is open to the public. Perfect.

 

There was so much to explore so we'll go back again another time, but we did a quick loop of the first garden and then made our way to the picnic field where we sat up camp. The National Trust run this place with family fun in mind. There was a little log cabin filled with outdoor lawn games (bowls, cricket etc) and as I sat down with Charlie (whilst Daddy went back to the car for the picnic) a kind member of staff brought me over two deckchairs. The boy loved the deckchairs, he hopped in and out of them and I was relegated to the picnic blanket as we ate our lunch.

 

We took the slingshute and the boys had fun throwing it up up into the air and running to catch the parachute and Charlie was a potty training genius. He sat on the travel potty in the toilet stall with me and again by the car, proving that we can take him out for a day without any embarrassing accidents. We ate cheese and ham sandwiches, teddy bear crispies, strawberries and raspberries and homemade gingerbread. And I took LOADS of photos, making the most of the blue sky and two happy boys.





 

 

Insta catch up

Some of the things we've been doing this April, taken from my Instagram feed.

- Cheeky morning face
- Jar of jelly beans
- Ill boy lying on a log in the park
- Blossom and blue sky - one of my favourite types of photo
- Boy running in the park
- More blossom
- Burying the Typewriter - memoir of a Romanian childhood under the eyes of the Secret Police
- Yogurt EVERYWHERE
- Slingshute in the park
- C loves running after the parachute and bringing it back to us
- Wilf
- Stanley
- Boys at cousin M's 2nd birthday
- New bedding (far too girly for T's liking)
- House of Rumour and a latte
- Skeleton C
- Horsing around
- M's birthday cupcakes

Miscarriage - six weeks on

 

I felt it was time to put down in words how I'm coping after finding out about my silent miscarriage on 12th March. Six weeks feels like the right time to do this, if I'd chosen to let nature take it's course, six weeks was the maximum time that it could happen safely without surgical intervention. Some days it feels like I've been grieving forever and also like no time at all has passed, but looking back, I'm glad I chose the surgery option and had my ERPC two days after finding out rather then waiting until now for it to happen naturally.

 

I've got all these little bits and pieces bumping around my head, so will write them down as coherently as possible to help me continue to move forward.

 

- Daily wobbles. Nothing's lessened with time, I still feel all the grief I did on that day six weeks ago. At the moment it's like I'm split in two, my rational self who can cope with day to day living and is in control 90% of the time  and my emotional self who is one step away from a whole vortex of grief. Sometimes I wobble but can take that step back and sometimes I fall into it completely.Things that have triggered this in the last few weeks are:

• The doctor's not updating their system so I was sent a text reminding me of an appointment. When I phoned up (during work) to find out what the appointment was for, it was my 16 week midwife check up. Gutting. I had a big wobble, shed some tears but was able to pull it together and be back at my desk before anyone noticed.

• My book group discussing a book I'd read almost a year ago, I'd brushed up on the main facts but forgotten the heroine has a miscarriage at the start of the book. When this came up in the conversation I had a tiny wobble but held my breath and blinked my eyes and mentally coaxed myself away from the vortex so as not to break down in front of others.

• My son casually saying to me 'when we have our baby', he's too little to understand that after two months of telling him he'd be a big brother in the future that future is much further away.

• I'm currently off work with a gastric stomach bug, being violently sick brought back too many raw memories from the last week of my pregnancy when I was sick on a daily basis.

• My worst situation was a curve ball taking me completely by surprise and happened when sorting out holiday at work. This wasn't a wobble I was fully taken over by grief and had to leave the office. It was drizzling and I went to a nearby square, sat on a bench in the rain and just cried and cried and the really scary thing was that I couldn't stop. I couldn't calm down, all I could think about was that when we booked that holiday I would have been 7 months pregnant and now I won't be. I should have gone home, but had a commitment I couldn't get out of that evening, so after a long time looking like a crazy person in the rain, I dried my eyes and read my book over a latte in a nearby coffee shop until I'd calmed down enough to return to work.

- No secret. When you have a miscarriage it's like you've been forced to lay all your cards on the table. The months of trying to conceive and then hiding early pregnancy have been a happy secret and suddenly wham, the news is out there, family and friends and colleagues all know that you want another baby. I believe we were right to tell the people we did about the miscarriage, but now, six weeks down the line, it's uncomfortable having so many people holding this knowledge and waiting to hear that you're pregnant again.

 

- Draft posts. I have a few draft posts I wrote about the pregnancy and was waiting to publish further down the line once we'd announced it. Yesterday I accidently deleted one, it was called 'Morning Sickness and Other Fun Things' and basically complained about how sick I was feeling at 8 weeks but how worthwhile it would all be in 7 months time. I wrote it on my phone using the blogger app and assumed it had synced to my main account. Yesterday I had issues with the app so uninstalled it and when I reinstalled it that post was missing. When I feel strong enough I guess I need to edit the others into one post, including the week by week stat images I'd started to create, and then publish them, because I don't think I could bear accidently losing any more.

 

-Saying Goodbye. Another blogger recommended this website and I've found it really useful, I'm now seriously considering attending one of the cathedral services.

 

-Pinterest. Surprisingly putting together a board on Pinterest has been really helpful. It's secret board at the moment, but there are so many inspirational pins with quotes and help and beautiful images that I wish I'd discovered it sooner. My favourites make up the image at the start of this post.

 

Currently

Currently we're enjoying a weekend at home and starting take two on potty training the boy. I'd planned to keep him inside all day with just his new big boy pants on, but the sunshine was so lovely we postponed losing the pull-up until late in the afternoon. C and I had a great walk, I remembered to take my proper camera instead of my phone camera and got some gorgeous shots of him and he remembered to take his football and had lots of fun chasing after it.

When we finally put the pants on at (ahem...) 4pm, he was a little star with proper potty usage and no accidents until bed time.

Fixing the crocodile

I asked Charlie what he wanted to do this morning, it's Saturday and we had no definite plans. I was expecting the reply to be to go on a train or go to the park but out of the blue he said, "can we fix my crocodile Mama?".

His crocodile puppet got a rip in the inside seam a couple of weeks ago and ever since it's been sitting up on a shelf after I said I'd fix it and hadn't got round to it. So feeling guilty I sat right down and sewed it up. His smile was worth it, then after two minutes of playing he moved onto the next toy and the crocodile was left lying upside down on the floor. Toddlers huh!

This boy

 

 

This boy is smiley and cheerful and likes saying silly rhyming things.

 

This boy's conversations revolve around trains, cranes and dustbin lorries, stinky bins and rubbish dumps, his best friend, chocolate, daffodils and buses.

 

This boy loves to sit at the top of the bus, or in the window seat on the train anywhere but in a high chair or a bus stop bench.

 

This boy waves hello to the lady at the bus stop every morning and she always waves and says hello back to him.

 

This boy loves to share, it always surprises me when a little voice says "here you go mummy" and a little hand proffers a piece of rice cake or his 2nd favourite train.

 

This boy has a wonderful proud face when he achieves something tricky.

 

This boy loves swirly whirly pasta, babybel and yogurt tubes.

 

This boy will eat cucumber and carrot when forced to but says "remember mummy I don't like cucumber". 

 

This boy remembers days out from over a year ago, beaches and castles and steam trains.

 

This boy is always saying "when I'm big I'll..." does he not realise that he's already so grown?

 

This boy will be 3 in 3 weeks time - eek.


I'm linking this post up with Mandy at A Sorta Fairytale's Mama Memoirs.
 

Sunday Night Fever

It started with a cough, nothing serious, just a little cough. On Saturday it got a little chestier. Saturday night, oh my, we were awoken by that pesky cough at 3.30am, it had got deeper from lying on it through the night. The amount of coughing caused little man to be a little sick. So in he came to Mama and Daddy's bed, resolutely lying on top of Mama and not sleeping again until it was time to get up.

A busy day and calpol kept the cough and temperature at bay on Sunday. Home again and the sore throat began, a croaky poorly boy with big sad eyes cuddled up to Mama on the sofa before bedtime. Hot honey and lemon was made and calpol dispensed before bed but that pesky cough would not shift. At 11.30pm little man awoke sick from too much coughing. Daddy brought him into our bed again and I got a hot feverish body lying on top of me. Mr Bump was retrieved from the fridge and used to cool a clammy forehead. Little sweaty fingers wrapped themselves in my hair, and a hot little head snuggled into my neck. And there we stayed until morning.

Doctors, grrr. Ours has a first come first served policy when phoning up from 8am. I couldn't get through for twenty five minutes and when I did, all appointments were taken, the earliest was for 3.30pm the next day. I took a day off work, a day when really I should have been in the office, and little man perked up. Calpol and hot apple juice with lemon and honey have kept him happy, as has a new Peppa pig game on Mummy's Kindle and a walk in the glorious spring sunshine to get some fresh air. Nap time came around and when he woke up he was immediately sick again (his bedding has never had so much washing in so short a time), so more cuddles on the sofa and hot apple juice to drink.

To top it off we've not been able to use the bath/shower for four days, not good when really all I want to do is dump a sickly, sweaty toddler into a haven of warm water and bubbles. Instead we have sponge baths by the sink and wet wipe rub downs. Plumber has yet to appear.

So not a good start the week, I hope yours was better. I have Pilates tonight and will be keeping my fingers crossed that our bed stays ours tonight and the cough begins to subside.

A day in the life

I love reading these types of posts on other blogs and haven't done one in a while so thought I'd capture a couple of days in the life of a working mama whilst Charlie is 2 yrs 11 months and my office has finally moved to Piccadilly.

Monday - Hubs and I alternate nursery drop offs and pick ups through the week and as I collect C on a Monday I have to be in work early so I can leave at 4pm.

The alarm goes off at 5.30am and I shower and dress quietly so I don't wake my boys. Packed lunch today is yesterday's leftover spaghetti so I chop a salad and am pleased I made a jar full of homemade Caesar dressing last week as there's plenty left. I'm already running late so no time to make coffee. As I leave T is just getting up and I can hear stirring in C's room. Some days he's wide awake by now and I get a toddler cuddle before I go, but not today.

As I walk past the bus stop on the way to the station a serendipitous bus pulls in so I jump on and make it in time for the 6.38 train, which is delayed and then cancelled. I read the BBC headlines on my phone as I wait get the next train instead. I read my book on the train, May We Be Forgiven, it's this week's choice for my work book club and I need to finish it in time for the meeting on Thursday.

At London Bridge I wait on a platform looking up at the Shard and then step aboard a train to Charing Cross. I go past the London Eye, the river and Big Ben, I love my new commute! I walk to Piccadilly through Trafalgar Square, it's early and quiet. As I failed to pack a coffee or breakfast I stop at Eat to pick up a latte and some bircher muesli.

At work I'm the first in and spend a quiet hour answering emails and updating copy for a competition page that needs prioritising. As my colleagues start arriving we chat about our weekends and log on to the MDS website to track a team member running in the Marathon des Sables (6 races in the desert in 7 days), he's doing well and is in the top 20%. My desk buddy and our team assistant has just got back from an American holiday, so the morning is filled with talk about San Francisco and New York, in my head I mentally work out when I would next be able to do this and reckon it would at least be another 8 years...

I have a couple of meetings to discuss some leaflet printing and the content for this month's newsletter, the rest of the day is spent writing copy and briefing web pages. The news of Margaret Thatcher's death and the subsequent books that will be published come in throughout the afternoon and we also discuss who we think will win this year's Women's Prize for Fiction.

At 4pm I leave the office and get the trains back home to collect C from nursery. He's had an accident, a bitten lip while being silly and running under a table. The lip is swollen into what looks like a blood blister, the nursery teacher says if it pops then there will be a lot of blood so to keep an eye on it. They'd already put an ice pack on it and there wasn't anything else we could do. I sign an accident form and help C into his coat. The lip doesn't seem to affect his mood and he happily says goodbye to all his friends.

We walk to the bus stop and he tells me about his day, they went in the garden but came back in for lunch, he painted and played with his best friend (he'll have done much more than this but that is all he'll tell me). On the bus we go upstairs and sit at the front, C loves shouting out everything he sees but hates it when I suggest he pretends to be the driver "the driver's downstairs mama and we're upstairs".

At home C takes off his coat and hangs it on his peg. I remind him to take off his shoes and he puts them away too. I make him a yogurt milkshake whilst he grabs a babybel from the fridge and is immensely proud that he can open it by himself. We snuggle on the sofa and watch some beebies, then I give him an early bath and get his jammies on.

I've got a Pilates class tonight, so when Daddy gets home he's the one who reads C his bedtime story (Thomas the Tank Engine's Murdoch) whilst I change into my gym gear. My friend picks me up and we drive to the dance studio. This is the first class of a 6 week course and it feels great to be out doing something on an evening. We have a great time and I get home by 9.30am. T and I then watch some Arrested Development and then it's time for bed and more reading of  May We Be Forgiven.

Tuesday - It's my day to take C to nursery so I get a bit of a lie in. T leaves at 6.15am and C wakes (and therefore I get up) at 6.30am. We have a morning hug and I fix him a milkshake. His lip is looking much better, though still a little swollen. He's really into singing at the moment, so after I explain that we shouldn't sing Jingle Bells in April, we decide to sing Hickory Dickory Dock, he gets really involved, giggling at the 2nd and 3rd verses and repeating it over and over.

Whilst sitting on the potty we sing Hot Cross Buns and whilst getting dressed it's Miss Polly. C then watches some Peppa Pig on the TV (he's learnt to pause, start and return to the menu on our DVD player) whilst I have a shower. As a treat I let him pick one of his Easter chocolates, he picks a rabbit and demolishes whilst I'm getting ready, I leave a wipe for him to clean his hands and mouth after he's finished and as he hate's having sticky fingers he uses it perfectly. I wear a new pink cardigan which is way more frilly then I remember it being in the shop and as I'm feeling full of energy from the Pilates I get some housework done, a quick tidy, washing up and laundry on.

It's drizzling today so we walk down to nursery in the rain. I let him pick which way we go and he waves good morning to the lady at the bus stop who always greets him. At nursery we hang his hat, gloves and coat on his peg and he gives me a big hug goodbye. I leave him deciding what he's going to have for breakfast and asking when his best friend will arrive.

I start writing this post on the train into work  and then walking through Trafalgar Square I see Dr Who's Tardis suspended from a crane with a woman inside. At first I think it's something for the tourists, but then realise that they actually are filming Dr Who! Jumping up and down beneath the Tardis is Matt Smith and it's Jenna-Louise Coleman hanging out of the Tardis' door. I stop and take photos and a film which includes a Japanese tourist asking me what's going on. Then a squad of actors dressed in U.N.I.T uniforms march in and I phone T who is madly jealous!

At work it's little quiet as two of our team are out today. I have a weekly catch up meeting with web designer and a publisher meeting, then spend the rest of the day pretty much the same as yesterday getting assets and pages ready for our monthly newsletter. I get two signed off nice and early which is good.

At lunch time a friend from work and I go back to Trafalgar Square to see if they're still filming and amazingly they are! The crowd around the Tardis is now massive, and randomly we get asked by people from Capital FM if we would like record sound bites for their breakfast show, we decline.

After work all public transport works perfectly for me and I'm home in time to spend time with C before bed. He gives me a huge hug when I get in and then proceeds to show me a catalogue of Thomas the Tank toys he wants for his birthday. Daddy helps him clean his teeth and then I read him a story in bed.

I make a quick dinner, stuffed mushroom, garlic bread and broccoli and then T and I watch some more Arrested Development as I write this post.